11/12 A proper introduction

At the start of today's class, we exchanged our introduction (Hook, Thesis) with the neighboring groups. Reading other groups sentence lead to our own inspiration. For instance, the sentence we received included a hook explaining the international background of the group. This leads to more curiosity, knowing that there would be perspectives from every student and country view. We were given good feedback too. However, In spite of this, we could not know our points for improvement. In addition, since the current introduction was written by one person (by hearing a brief explanation from each groupmate), it would be necessary to rewrite it together as a team. I hope to rewrite the introduction as a whole team especially after hearing more tips in today's class.

As I wrote above, we were introduced to new writing rules today. After the exchanges of hooks, Mr. Paterson featured every group thesis and talked about the points in need for improvement and the proper way to write a thesis. To be honest, after being explained about the three points "Topic," "claim" and three reasons "Why,"  I acknowledged that our team's thesis was abhorrent. It almost included none of these points. As a team, we relearned the necessity to revise our thesis sentence.

Another feedback we received was avoiding d using "In this essay" which is said to be one of the most common and plain ways to start an essay. Another work would be either rearranging the sentence or simply remove, exchange the phrase with something else. Overall, we learned the basic points of the introduction thorough the class.